I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
