It's just like the Real World with babies
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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