If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
