I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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