My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I want her autograph on my taint
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
