she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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