and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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