Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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