I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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