While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize