Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
