I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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