You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
