I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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