I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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