do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
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