This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
