you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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