I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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