Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
