4 words: hood of his car
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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