I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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