So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
