i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
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