Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
