Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize