Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
