there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Life without a bra equals bliss.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
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