she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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