Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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