she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
