No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
