You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
