so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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