Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize