Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
