So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
