You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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