$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Randomize
