You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
