so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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