he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
