I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize