I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
