Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
