I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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