By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
