well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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