i permit you to call me
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
