I think I am morally bankrupt
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
