What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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