I hate all girls vehemently.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
