Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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