Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
