Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
