drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
