your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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