a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
