I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
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