so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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