I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Randomize
