thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
