All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
