Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
