Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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