Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
