She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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