Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
