I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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