So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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