i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I didn't shave. On purpose
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
