there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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