She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize