was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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