dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
