tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
