We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
