I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize