spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
