please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
