when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
