I'm gonna have a badass scar
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize