When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
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