And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Randomize
