yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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