her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize