I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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