saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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