yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
