I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
you made out with another girl for some wings
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
