I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize