Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
