You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
