For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
